Parental Alienation and International Parental Child Abduction

A child’s heart is filled with innocence. It’s open to give and to receive love, it is unmarked by the scars that etch themselves onto our personae, our fabric, if you will, as we journey through life. Their innocence is sacred.

As a parent, I know one of my primary responsibilities is to protect my child’s innocence and safety. Not only must I create, but I must foster a world of free expression, of nurturing support, of positive reinforcement, and of loving acceptance of my child’s rights. I am also the wall that will protect my child’s emotions. After all, my child, just like every other child, has a right to experience the world with all of its magic and wonderment.

Fundamental to the rights of ‘innocence’ that all children are entitled to is the right of a child to freely know the love and goodness of both parents. As parents, it is our privilege to love our children, however, it is a child’s right to know both of their parents’ love. Sadly, we see all too often during times of divorce and separation the selfish and destructive act of a parent trying to remove and destroy a child’s right to an open and loving relationship with the other parent by denying the child physical access to the other parent or by talking negatively about the other parent to that child. In these instances, the child is used as a pawn in a power struggle, and as a tool to punish or cause hurt to the other parent. Innocence is destroyed.

As a Chasing Parent who has dealt with international parental child abduction, I am keenly aware of the actions and conduct that define ‘Parental Alienation’. To put it as bluntly as possible, when one parent purposefully lies to, misrepresents to, or manipulates a child into thinking that their other parent is trying to hurt the other parent, the child or both, or, denies the child and other parent from interacting with one another – that is a cruel and devastating act. It is deliberate attempt to alienate the child from the other parent. These acts are vicious forms of child abuse, and are considered criminal offenses under child abuse laws in most states. However, Parental Alienation is not just the abusive act of the obsessed abducting parent, it can lead to the manifestation seen in a child’s behavior of denigrating the other parent with no proper justification (Parental Alienation Syndrome). When this occurs, the child will contribute to vilification of the targeted parent as a result of the dishonest, cruel acts committed by the obsessive and alienating parent.

In every conversation I have had with other Chasing Parents who have experienced international child abduction, every one of these parents has expressed great concern over the psychological trauma experienced by their child during their abduction. Unquestionably, this abuse--parental alienation--is at its peak as long as the child is criminally detained and denied access to one parent by the other parent.

It is clear that in cases of parental abduction, the abducting parent must provide answers to the child, many of whom question why they are unable to see or communicate with the other parent. There are questions about why the child cannot go ‘home’, and why they are remaining in a foreign country. There is no doubt that attempting to justify one parent’s wrongful detention of a child in a foreign country can be as cruel and unfair to the child as the abduction itself.

In most instances, the abducting parent must mount a campaign of terror that will essentially brainwash the child into thinking that the other parent is a threat to the safety of both the child’s and the abducting parent. Typically, this situation is portrayed as ‘We vs. The Other Parent’. Tragically, the child is thrown into the turmoil that should only be between the two parents. Apart from the fact that the child is in new surroundings, away from familiar customs, surroundings, and people that they have grown-up with, the child is forced to quietly listen as one parent assaults the character of the other parent. What is done in the process is a unilateral attempt to destroy one of the crucial foundations of a child’s life: the belief that the Chasing Parent loves and desires to be with them. And truth be told, what can an innocent child, dependent on the abducting parent for food and shelter, living in a foreign country with no other support system, do? They can’t voice their distress for fear of becoming the target for the wrath of the abducting parent, on whom they are entirely dependent. As a result they become physical and emotional prisoners. The image of a small red buoy floating in a raging sea comes to mind whenever I hear of a child trying to survive a parental alienation assault.

In attempting to shift the child’s trust and belief in the other parent by portraying that parent as a person only interested in causing pain and suffering, the abducting parent commits one of the most unforgivable acts of all: the denial of a child to know the love of the other parent. The relationship between child and both parents is part of the child’s identity. And it is this love to which the child has an inalienable right.

Unfortunately, the brainwashing committed by the abducting parent will include careful monitoring of all activities of the child, including any attempts to communicate with the other parent. In fact, it is not uncommon for an abducting parent to tell the child that their safety is at risk, and that if the other parent knows where they are, their safety could be in jeopardy. Furthermore, the abducting parent will weigh the child down with unremitting guilt if they go against any of their instructions, further compromising the emotional stability of the child. In many cases, the child is made to think that it is their responsibility to protect the abducting parent, which contributes to the vilification of the victimized parent.

All of this feeds into the position that the abducting parent must take to mount a defense in Hague cases.

Under Article 13, Section (b) of The Hague Convention On The Civil Aspects Of International Child Abduction, the law reads as follows:

Notwithstanding the provisions of the preceding Article, the judicial or administrative authority of the requested State is not bound to order the return of the child if the person, institution or other body which opposes its return establishes that –

(b) there is a grave risk that his or her return would expose the child to physical or psychological harm or otherwise place the child in an intolerable situation.
The judicial or administrative authority may also refuse to order the return of the child if it finds that the child objects to being returned and has attained an age and degree of maturity at which it is appropriate to take account of its views.

In considering the circumstances referred to in this Article, the judicial and administrative authorities shall take into account the information relating to the social background of the child provided the Central Authority or other competent authority of the child’s habitual residence.

In every case where an abducting parent chooses to defend the action taken by a Chasing Parent in the international court via a Hague Petition (if the country of origin and the destination country are signatories of the treaty), they will cite the defense mantra of Article 13, Section (b).

Under the ‘Grave Risk’ clause, a common tactic that an abducting parent and their lawyers will use is an attempt to portray in court the feelings of distress and fear that the child will have if the court issues a return order to the country of original jurisdiction. In order to support the claim of grave risk to the child, the abducting parent will usually rage a vicious mud-slinging campaign targeting the Chasing Parent. In addition, the abducting parent (who typically has had ample time to brainwash the child on what to say and how to act), will request the court to consider the child’s feelings about being returned. In most cases, they will ask for the child to appear before the court (not to mention bringing in a hired expert who will provide testimony that the child does not want to be returned, and that the child is frightened of the other petitioning parent) so that the child can share with the court the newly (and falsely) created feelings of fear, anger, and other negative feelings toward the targeted parent.

Without understanding the strategy of the abducting parent, the Chasing Parent will use a misguided approach and mount a legal argument strictly focused on the custody rights previously issued by the court of the child’s habitual residence. In your legal argument to the court, there is ample room for you to address your loving relationship with your child, and by demonstrating that love, your will have an opportunity to prove the serious abuse that the obsessive alienating abducting parent has directed toward your child.

In the end, Parental Alienation is a series of crimes perpetrated on the child. According to many studies, the degree of separation between men and women committing this cruel act is essentially equal. For any parent, guardian, or de facto guardian to attempt to manipulate the feelings of a child is to do the unthinkable; to destroy the innocence of a child. This said, if you are a parent or guardian who is presently seeking to remain in a foreign country with your child PLEASE refrain from using your child in your legal strategy. Do not speak badly or try and isolate the other parent because in the end, what you are doing is creating both short-term and long-term hardships for your child.

For anyone who thinks that the international parental abduction of a child is a minor matter closer to a child custody issue than the criminal act, the federal law titled The International Parental Kidnapping Crime Act (IPKCA) of 1993 makes it very clear that international parental child abduction is a serious and dangerous crime. Additionally, the federal Unlawful Flight to Avoid Prosecution (UFAP)—Parental Kidnapping was created to allow for the federal law enforcement to aid local and state law enforcement when state criminal charges are filed against an abducting parent (each state has criminal laws regarding parental child abduction).

What I learned from my experience in dealing with this situation while I was seeking to reunite with my child was to always show unconditional gentle love. It was also paramount that I refrain from speaking poorly about my child’s other parent. If I did so, I knew I would be acting abusively, and the only thing I wanted was to love my child and end the storms that surrounded our lives.


But Chasing Parent’s should know something. Children are resilient. Much more than we give them credit for. I remember when I was reunited with my child, one of the first things that I was told was that I was loved and missed deeply . . . and my child knew I “would never give up trying to bring us together.”